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Choosing a Positive Change

A view from the bike at sunrise
A view from the bike at sunrise.

Several weeks ago, I wrote a post about riding my bike in the morning at sunrise. It’s enjoyable during the summer when the sun rises at 6:00 am, and there aren’t many cars on the road. But I struggle with the ride as fall turns to winter and the sun rises later.


I love exercising outside. Something about being outside creates a zone for me, and my thoughts flow better than they do when I use the treadmill or stationary bike. A friend recently described it as therapeutic. It definitely is. My thoughts come, and I work through them. Sometimes, I solve problems; other times, I see things in a new light. Usually, I return feeling both relaxed and rejuvenated.


But, when I start my bike rides later in the morning, more dogs are being walked, and more cars are on the road. I don’t mind dogs, but they can be unpredictable around bikes. While they may not jump at a car, many tend to jump towards cyclists. I’m always looking ahead for dogs; when I see one, I veer wide. I also worry that if the owner isn’t aware I’m approaching, the dog may jump while the owner has a light grip on the leash, so I often call out to alert the owner I’m there.


Many drivers multitask while driving. Many drivers are distracted, whether texting or talking on the phone or to others in the car, changing the radio station, eating, or applying makeup (all things I’ve done). The law requires cyclists to ride in the same direction as cars, so as a cyclist, I’m at the mercy of the car behind me to pay attention and not hit me.


Each winter, as I struggle with the dilemmas of the later sunrise, it crosses my mind that I could opt to ride the stationary bike for a few weeks or months. While it feels wise to do so, I’m reluctant to give up my outdoor exercise time and what I believe is more relaxing and thought-producing. So, I pay attention to what minute the sun rises and plan my morning to be on the bike at first light. I purchased stronger lights for my bike so I could get on the road a few minutes earlier and still be visible. As I ride, I stay alert for dogs and cars – and then I realize, this isn’t relaxing at all. It dawns on me that during these months, the ride has become stressful. Rather than my thoughts following and returning with that wonderful combination of feeling relaxed and rejuvenated, I’m stressed and watchful.


And yet, I’m reluctant to give it up. I see it as giving in and losing something I enjoy.


And then I remember the year I injured my foot and couldn’t ride or run outside. Desperate for some form of exercise, I started riding my bike in a “trainer” (a stand that lifts and holds your bike in place so you can cycle on it indoors).


At first, I struggled to ride for 30 minutes. Sitting in the same place was boring and excruciating. I thought about watching TV or listening to podcasts while I rode to pass the time, but I loved how my thoughts just flowed while I rode or ran outside and wanted to get to that place. So, I kept trying.

I rode my bike at the edge of the family room, first thing in the morning, before my kids were awake.


Within a few weeks, I discovered several unexpected things:

  • Riding in semi-darkness, when my house was quiet, was relaxing

  • As I got used to my new setting, my thoughts once again started to flow

  • Toward the end of each ride, I started pedaling faster, and my legs grew stronger

  • I came to enjoy and appreciate this time in my living room


And so, as a new winter is here, and daylight is later, rather than fight it, I’ve returned to cycling indoors and grateful to find peace in it.


As I write this, I’m reminded of harmful relationships. They’re never all bad. There can be many good things about relationships. But the bad is difficult. It often brings us the opposite of peace. I think back to the relationships that weren’t good for me. I held on to the good times and was reluctant to walk away. But many things were painful, and by holding on, I wasn’t giving myself time to recover, heal, and find a relationship that didn’t cause me harm.  


While seasons change, and will eventually roll back to spring and summer, it’s unlikely that a harmful relationship will someday become healthy.  Ultimately, I chose to be on my own rather than continue to invest my time, feelings, and hope in something that wasn’t going to change.


I hope you’ll continue reading our posts this month as we explore choosing positive change, how to uphold it, and focus on relationships that inspire and uplift you.

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