Until a few years ago, I didn’t give much thought to the devil. I believe in God and Jesus, and although the Bible talks about the devil, I think I thought of him as something similar to a fictional character. Then I noticed he was trying to attack me.
About 12 years ago, I suffered a bad concussion. God used the experience for good and drew me closer to Him. He healed me from the abusive relationship I was in as a teen and led me to write a book to help others. Sharing the book halted as I faced editing and publishing expenses.
Fast forward about 10 years, and I’d started working on the book again. I was in the process of updating the book and getting it ready for editing when I was tempted and got on a dating app. I heard from a few men, started dating, and one quickly evolved into a relationship. The relationship came with temptations – travel, possibly marriage, and talk of building a house. But our values weren’t aligned; I was uncomfortable and questioned myself for several weeks before I ended the relationship.
While dating, this man wanted to spend a lot of time together, and it was difficult to put the effort I needed into the book. After the relationship was over, much of it reminded me of the devil tempting Jesus after 40 days in the wilderness –a new house, travel, and what I perceived to be security. As a divorced mom, these were things I often worried about or didn’t think were ever in my future. They were nice ideas, tempting even, but they came with a price – the man didn’t respect my values or believe in Jesus.
Fast-forward a few months. I had finally published the book I felt God led me to write ten years earlier. I know He led me in the words I typed. I was about to host a book launch, but I was distracted by thoughts of the relationship that had ended.
A few days before the book launch, I went for a bike ride. First, a city bus rounded a corner onto the street I was on and almost hit me. Thankfully, I saw it in time and stopped to avoid a collision. Then, I was so distracted with my thoughts that I missed a garbage truck pulling out of a parking lot. I was directly behind the truck as it started to back out. There was no way the driver could see me. I started to swerve to the left to avoid the truck, and something stopped me – I looked to my left and saw a car next to me. (It wasn’t the car that stopped me, but a feeling I’d never felt before.) I rode several more feet between the back of the truck and the car without being hit by either one.
For ten years, I dreamed of the day that I could share my story to help others, but more importantly, share how God had been working in my life, equipping me and leading me to this moment. And then I almost got hit by a bus and a garbage truck. Two years later, I still believe the devil was trying to stop me, and God’s angels had to have been next to me, holding the car and truck from hitting me.
The morning of the book launch, I was again distracted by thoughts of the recently ended relationship. I knew it was the devil, and the only place I could be was in church, giving praise to God. So, on the Sunday morning of the book launch, I went to two church services and sang songs of praise before speaking at the book launch.
As the relationship I mentioned above ended, I realized there was a level of healing I hadn’t yet gone through. As I worked through those steps, I started writing another book to help others. After almost a year of working on it, as I finished one weekend, I thought, “This is the book I wish someone had been able to give me when I was 19 and recovering from an abusive relationship”. Two days later, my mom was hospitalized.
Over the next six weeks, she was hospitalized twice. Life was busy as I tried to help my parents and keep up with work. Short on time, and sometimes energy, I had to set working on the book aside.
My goal was to finish the book over Labor Day weekend. As the weekend ended, I was about 90% done with it. I hoped to finish it over the next few Saturdays and give it to the PIC board to review.
But the devil wasn’t done with me yet.
A local news station responded to an email and wanted to share info about Positively Impacting Communities (PIC) and the work we do. Amazing, wonderful news! But they wanted to interview me at home, which meant I needed to clean. I spent the next three days working, shopping for a few things I needed for my house, and cleaning. I fell into bed at midnight each night exhausted, only to wake up at 5 am and start the cycle over again.
At times, I was overwhelmed by all there was to do. I felt myself getting discouraged and was thankful I’d just started reading the book of Joshua, where God reminds Joshua times, “Do not be dismayed. Do not be discouraged.” Those words got me through the week and the interview. The news anchor interviewed me on Friday, doing a great job covering a hard topic and putting together a piece I hope helps others.
Work was busy, and I spent most of the weekend getting ready for a work meeting the following week. I didn’t have the time or energy to write. That week, I tried to get back on track. One night, I had two margaritas at an outdoor patio I enjoy, but then I didn’t sleep well. I went on a long walk with a good friend. Then Friday came.
I felt good. I finally felt rested. That afternoon, I was going to the funeral of one of my best friend’s dad (also the brother of my college boyfriend who passed away when I was 21 – the brothers were 20 years apart in age). I’ve been around her family many times over the 30+ years since he passed away. The thought of being there didn’t bother me; I wanted to support my friend and her family.
After the funeral service, I planned to go to the gym and get a good night’s sleep so that the following day, I could have a good run and write for a few hours before work. The service was nice. It was good to be around Art’s family. We reminisced about a lot of things over the years. In the end, it was harder than I thought. It was hard to settle down. My emotions were up and down for the next two days. I had trouble sleeping.
Knowing I needed to settle my heart, I talked with a few good friends and my sister. Saturday and Monday evenings I went on long walks and worked through my feelings with God. I went to a restaurant with my favorite outdoor patio and had a light dinner and a margarita.
After July 4th, I felt so much promise and hoped to finish the first draft by Labor Day. I believe the extra work that came up, time spent on chores, and depleted energy are the devil attacking me.
Years earlier, I noticed a discreet trick my dog did. While I made my kids' lunches in the mornings, my dog would stroll through the kitchen, into the family room, and back into the kitchen. She was pacing in a slow circle, and at the opportune moment, she’d jump up and, in one bite, grab the entire sandwich I was making for my son. It took me about three days to realize my dog knew my morning routine and how to use it to her advantage.
It reminded me of a Bible verse I’d read:
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
I didn’t know how true those words would be.
Just like my dog, the devil is discreet. He hits us when we’re vulnerable. As I look back on the last two years, I see the things the devil has been using to distract me, drain my energy, and pull me from the work I believe God has put before me.
BUT as I look back on this time, I also see a God who has protected me. Who draws me near to Him. Who shows me the book of the Bible to read when I need it most.
In church, the sermons over the last few weeks have focused on Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane and His prayers for us.
My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. John 17:15
That’s powerful. Jesus prayed for our protection.
When I looked up the verse from John above, I also found 2 Thessalonians 3:3, where Paul reminds us that God will strengthen and protect us so that our hearts remain with God and Jesus. (emphasis added):
And pray that we may be delivered from wicked and evil people, for not everyone has faith. But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one. We have confidence in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we command. May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.
Ephesians 4:27 reminds us, “do not give the devil a foothold”.
I’m thankful for the years of women’s Bible study I’ve done. I’ve learned that the devil will attack us, but that we can use the armor of God to resist the devil:
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:13-17
The night I wrote this, I was sitting at the outdoor patio I enjoy. I witnessed a married couple, happy to see each other at the end of the day (they arrived separately and when the wife arrived, the husband wrapped his arms around her in a long hug). They sat with their dog and talked over dinner. As I write and talk about warning signs of unhealthy relationships it was refreshing to see a young couple with healthy, supportive traits.
Also, tonight as I looked up 1 Peter 5:8, I read 1 Peter 5:9 (emphasis added)
Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings
I believe the devil is real. I believe he tempts and tries to distract, discourage, and divide us, but I KNOW God is stronger. We just have to turn to God and believe in Him.
Comments