Recently I turned on the Golden Bachelorette with a bit of hesitation. Honestly, I had one hand on the remote, so that if drama started or it brought up wishful thoughts, I could turn it off and choose something else. But as I watched I was pleasantly surprised.
The first episode and the introductions was light-hearted and fun. I laughed and enjoyed watching everyone get to know each other and have a good time. After meeting Joan and going inside, the men talked and laughed together. Even though they were all there to meet the same woman there was a sense of camaraderie.
Since this is the ‘Golden’ Bachelorette, Joan is 61 years old and the men range in age from late fifties to 69. Some are widowers, other have gone through painful divorces.
As I watched the next few episodes, it was fun to watch the group dates. It was heartwarming the way each person shared their vulnerabilities. What really surprised me about the show, was how much the men supported each other. Instead of getting competitive with each other, they help each other. During one episode, Guy, an ER doctor, helps another man understand why his wife had blood on her check when she died from an aneurysm. Friendships formed and they helped each other take another step on their healing journey. As some are sent home, others shed a few tears as they say good-bye to a friend.
So often, TV and movies are full of drama and ill intent. It was refreshing to see friendships form and the way they help each other learn to wash clothes or support through hardships. It gave me hope for the “good guys” that may be out there.
As the dates grow my serious, my heart feels for them. They’re placed in such artificial environments and fast-tracked to make a life-changing decision.
As they go on the hometown dates, I see the pressure that is placed on them. It reminds me of a passage in Love Life by Mathew Hussey. He shares that in the early stages of attraction, when we think we like someone, one of the worst things we can do is to tell our best friends. He goes on to explain that our best friends share our desire to find love. They may look up the other person online, learn about their interests, and determine all the reasons this person is perfect for us. We speculate and celebrate what is to come. We’ve built a story, a future with someone we barely know. When we’ve built them up this way it can be hard to discern if they’re actually right for us.
To me, the same is true on the hometown dates in the Golden Bachelorette. As Joan visits four hometowns and meets the friends and family of the remaining four suitors, each envisions a future for the couple. They say, “Joan feels like family”. They project that the couple is in love with each other. By the end of the visit, two tell Joan they’re falling or in love with her.
They’ve been hurt and are worried about being hurt again. And yet instead of having time to get to know each other organically, they’re placed in situations of fairy tales and expected to know how they’ll feel about each other in real life. I think there’s two weeks left in the show. There’s an expectation that in the last episode a suitor will propose. They will have had three one-on-one dates and a few group dates. Real life is what they’ll be stepping in to.
And isn’t that what’s important? Real life? Knowing how we’ll each react through the celebrations and hardships, getting up early for work and falling into bed at the end of a long day. Sure, there’s vacations and good moments of connections, but they’re not built on dates at Disneyland or private jets to Vegas.
To me, it’s the grown-up version of Cinderella and a hundred movies where the main characters fall in love in two weeks. What I’ve watched so far is good for TV and ratings. But will it be good for building a relationship that will last? And is good for the viewers to get caught up in a fairytale?
I hope Joan has a happily ever after. I hope her suitors do too. It’s possible two of them will be together. I hope they all find the healthy, compatible relationship they’re hoping for.
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